Mediation – Breaking Out of Repetitive Conflict
Couples that are experiencing relationship breakdown, are usually aware of the futility of their repetitive arguments, but are trapped by them. The same triggers cause the same arguments to occur. Arguments are frequently lengthy and abusive, even violent. The parties and their relationship suffer, from the alienating and often hurtful exchanges. They also endure bouts of frustration, born of the realisation that they seem unable to resist being drawn into the familiar spiral of argument and abuse. This frustration fans the flames of their conflict, making it even worse.
Conflicts of this nature do often arise during the process of mediation – the parties may tend to lapse from time to time (especially early on in the process), into their habitual pattern of mutual abuse. The mediator must be quick to recognise what is going on, call an immediate halt to the exchange, perhaps suggest a short break, then deal with the problem. On recommencement, the mediator must address the problem.
A skilled mediator will assist the parties to recognise and defuse habitual behaviours of this sort. He will call on the parties to start a new conversation with one another, founded on recognition, listening and respect.
Being a practiced observer of human behaviour, an experienced mediator will help you to understand the causes and structures of habitual conflicts. He will make suggestions to help you cope with the causes and learn to defuse the ‘triggers’ and stimulants that drive these seemingly senseless fights. You will not easily escape the hold on you of old, deeply-ingrained habits, but you will be assisted (providing you co-operate) to understand what is happening. Tips will be given for dealing with the problem, while allowing the adults in you to engage in positive interaction, focused on resolving the problems at hand. Expect success if you co-operate with the collaborative effort to resolve your problems through dignified and respectful negotiation.
18 April 2018
Family Law Specialist lawyers and mediators; Divorce; Parents & Children; Grandparents; Cohabitation; Curators; Maintenance; International Divorce; Domestic Violence and more.